Living my life as a disciple should, in theory, be simple. When I gave my life to Messiah, I thought that it would be easy to live a life with no concern, no worry. As I have said before, life can get in the way.
In the early days of my discipleship, I would sit in my room, and look out of the window at a beautiful Silver Birch tree. The tree has been an inspiration to me. When Elohim made the tree, he created an amazing item. The simplicity and the complexity is what intrigues me, and what helps me to understand. The simplicity is that it is tall with branches. Children draw trees without difficulty. Some are more detailed than others, but they are a basic shape. However, the tree is also very complex. The bark is patterned, the branches are detailed, and they are never symmetrical. My life as a disciple has been the same. At first, simple and uncomplicated, listening for the voice of the Spirit within me. All I did was listen. Then, suddenly, things became a little quieter, and the voice became quieter.
Let me explain the best way I know how, and that is to equate an experience totally unconnected. (Messiah used parables, so I guess it is comparable). When I was learning to drive, in England, my driving instructor (or whomever was sitting in the passenger seat) would tell me, 'turn right', or 'turn left'. The instructions were always given, and were quite clear. 'Don't forget to check your mirror'; 'Check for oncoming traffic'. Finally, I passed my test. My instructor drove me home and suggested I wait a while until driving. He said most people were over-confident, and whilst he didn't think that of me (I was never over-confident in anything when I was a teenager), he still advised the same. I didn't listen. I called my mum, told her the good news, and said I was going to drive myself into work. I jumped in my car, put on my seat belt, started the engine, and reversed out of the drive. I drove to the end of the road and turned left, then to the end of the next road, and turned left again. It was as I was travelling along the main road (highway), that I realised I had not used my turn signals. Why? Because no one had told me to 'turn left'.
When I first became a disciple, the voice was loud. I was told what to do. I heard from Elohim, loud and clear. After a while, I would be 'travelling along the road', just living life day by day, and would not necessarily hear anything. It took me a long while to realise that I could actually go on with my life, 'turning left' without necessarily being told, but to be aware that at any time, I may be told to 'turn right'.
The command, for example, to 'turn right', can be the downfall of the disciple. We don't always listen. Once we realise that we are allowed to make decisions, (which are not contrary to His Will) and that we can continue with our life, (as life goes on; it has to go on, as we each have a part to play,) we are so busy 'doing our own thing', that we don't always hear (or listen to) the instruction. We tend to carry on, and wait until we are told to stop. However, sometimes we are so convinced that this is the 'right thing' for us, that we keep going and do not hear, 'Stop'. (I do firmly believe we are placed where we are meant to be. I also believe that everything has been written, but I also believe we are allowed 'free will', which seems to be contradicting, and my beliefs on this I shall leave for another post, as I find it rather complex, and thought provoking.) This is where the tree was so helpful to me. The first few weeks were simple. I listened and I walked according to His voice. It was so easy to see the tree as a tall plant, standing erect, with a few branches and leaves. Once we are beyond the 'new born' stage, it becomes more complex. The tree has branches which go off at angles, and twigs from which leaves hang, precariously. We have to make turns that we would rather not, or that we are not expecting.
I started to 'turn a deaf ear', at certain things, once I was past the 'new born' stage. 'Surely he didn't tell me to do that?' was a favourite of mine. Of course, there were times when I knew it was 'me' telling me what to do, because it was what I wanted to do. I started to worry about what people would think of me. It became easy to think that I was in charge of the situation. I concerned myself with the worries of the world. But I know that we are born in sin, and whilst we are born again, we are still human (not an excuse, but a statement). Each time I was reprimanded (and I am reprimanded by Elohim), I would wonder why I ever let my 'flesh' take over. Sometimes it would take longer than others to 'repent', and I would (and still do) have periods of sulking. 'Why should I apologise, when someone else is rude to me?' 'Why should I give in, I want......?' I trip up more often than I care to think. However, as I grow, I learn. I know that I have not been given a free gift which can be used to suit myself. It is a gift that needs to be nurtured. It is a gift that is precious. I have been given the gift of life, eternal life. I have to think along the lines that if I am disobedient, and suddenly this life comes to an end, I will have to meet my maker and explain why I did the last thing I did. As the scriptures say, it will not be all my good deeds for which I will be remembered, if the last one I commit is bad. Of whom should I be afraid, man or Elohim? Whom am I going to have to stand before on Judgement Day?
My tree continues to be my inspiration, as it was made by my Father. Think about colours. Brown and green are not primary colours, and yet they are the colours of the tree. He 'simply' makes them. Life as a disciple should be easy, and whilst we are walking in the Spirit and whilst we are obeying His voice, it is. One thing I do know, and that is whilst I am walking in Him, I am full of joy. It is when I am not walking in the Spirit, that the knots in the wood start to show.
Be blessed and I leave you with grace and peace.
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