My story - The beginning

Once again, I will start by saying, I am 'born again'.  It is at this point that I may lose some readers, but that is not my problem.  Those who share my passion will, I am sure, share the joy. 

I think it is relevant, at this point, to mention that I have two active blogs.  One is stories of my everyday life; a satirical look at events that have happened in my life.  This blog is different.  It is spiritual.  However, I do not separate my life the way I separate my blogs, but it does possibly show how life has to continue, because we have to live in this world; although living in a corrupt world should not require us to partake of the corruption.  It simply means that life goes on.  I do hope that this makes sense.

My story of how I was led to Messiah, is probably not much different to many others.  However, my background and prior years may be as far as from East is from West. I was brought up in a Jewish household.  I attended a secular school, and had a variety of friends.  However, I did think I was different, and started to ask questions.

So, what made me ask the questions?  When I was six or seven, I had made a comment to a classmate that my sister was having a birthday party.  I told her that there would be lots of cakes, sweets and other things that were not generally eaten, unless it was a special occasion.  I am quite sure I did not make a promise, but she was adamant that I did.  It would appear that I suggested I would bring some of the goodies to school.  We were in the school hall due to the inclement weather outside, and whilst the boys were running and sliding across the floor, the girls sought refuge beside the walls.
'You promised', she insisted, 'and it is very bad to break a promise!'  I was also quite resolute.  I did not actually make a promise, I may have made a loose suggestion.  'If you break a promise', she continued, 'Jesus wont love you'.  Well that was good enough for me.  At last, a saving grace.  'That's okay', I remember saying, 'I'm Jewish; I don't believe in Jesus'.  The abject horror that spread across her face was something that made me wonder from that moment forth; What is it all about?  'It is very naughty not to believe in Jesus'.  The words 'very naughty', were very strong, indeed! 
My mother explained to me that it was not so much that we did not actually believe He existed, it was that we didn't believe he was The Messiah.  Why?  Well, that question was easier.  As Jews, we were still waiting.

Throughout the following years, I listened intently to the bible stories told in assembly, and paid particular attention in my Religious Studies lessons.  Something inside me was aware that Messiah had walked on this earth and I wanted to know more.  However, I did not have access to the New Testament.  I could have found a copy in the library, but I was very concerned about upsetting my parents.  I was very affected by the films, Jesus Christ Superstar, and Godspell, but they were just movies, and none of my friends wanted to discuss the content in depth.  Life continued and I got older, left school, went to work, got married, had a couple of kids, and time was not my friend.  As my marriage started to crumble, I was introduced to Messiah. I will categorically state at this point that it was not a 'crutch'.  I didn't find Messiah because my marriage was crumbling; He found me.  Suddenly, I had more time. I started to read the Scriptures, and realised that the stories I had loved, were preceded, and succeeded, by others, which basically filled in the gaps.  I started to ask questions. I was fortunate enough to meet a man (whom I subsequently married) who had great scriptural knowledge.  However, he did not just 'tell' me, he made me study and 'listen'.   He explained to me how Messiah had 'died for me' and in turn, I wanted to be 'saved'.  I have always had a healthy fear of Elohim, the Almighty, and I was concerned that due to my Hebrew ethnicity, I would be offending my Father, my Elohim.  At the same time, I was concerned for my soul.  Eventually, I made the decision to leave my past life behind, and accept Messiah as my saviour.  I knew it would mean a life change, but I had no idea how.  What did it really mean?  I was also concerned that I would not feel any different and that I might not be 'chosen'.  It was, I am afraid to say, all very much about me!  I sat down and prayed.  I asked that Messiah be my saviour and I told Him that I gave my life to Him, and He would be my Master.  I asked him to forgive me for all my sins.  I was, even at this stage, unsure what I was doing, and what this would mean, but I also knew that if I did not do this, I would never know whether I was, indeed, 'chosen'.  Suddenly, a feeling came over me that I cannot fully describe.  It felt as if a dome was put over me, and then peeled away.  I felt 'new' and clean. 
The phrase, 'Born again', took on a new meaning.  I understood.  I was filled with a feeling of elation that I had never felt.  I was free.  It went beyond any feeling I had ever known.  I knew elation, I knew joy.  I knew love.  I experienced those feelings when I had my kids.  This was different.  This was so totally different. 

For about half an hour I was unable to speak.  All I could do was praise my Elohim and call to Messiah.  It was Friday and I had to go to work.  I wanted to shout to all the world that I was a new creature in Messiah.  I knew things would be different, yet I also knew I was still me.  I could go on, but I think it is time to stop, for now, because each step is so important. 

I would like to think that my story is of interest to others, and that I can bring others to know that joy, but I also know that the choice is not mine, it is Elohim's.  I know I need to spread 'The Word', but I am also aware that I need to listen and know what to say and when to say it.  I trust my heavenly Father will advise me as and when to write again.

Grace and peace be with you all, until next time.